Gate 40: The Space in Our Togetherness

From tomorrow (August 29th) and for the next 6 days, the Sun will be transiting through Gate 40, also known as the Gate of Loneliness and the Gate of Restoration (Quantum Human Design) .

The energy Gate 40 carries is fascinating as it holds such duality and almost a paradox in its essence; it's a part of the Community Channel and Ego Center and people with this Gate defined strive for the balance between being alone and supporting others. It doesn‘t mean being alone when nobody is around but being alone while connected to others.

The challenge some of us face in most of our relationships whether they are romantic or work related, is to avoid falling into codependency. Codependent people prioritize and make their relationships more important than anything else including their own well-being. They have this tendency of caretaking and preoccupying with the world outside themselves. The correct way is to be with other people and serve them but to also be able to stay alone in our integrity and to serve and love ourselves first. It is the basic full cup rule; You can't pour from an empty cup, so fill it up first and be mindful of how you do it.

Some of us tend to give more to others than what we are willing to give ourselves. In order to become a powerful source for our community we need to take care of our soul, mind and body first. Only then can we help others reach their full potential.

Choosing the right people and relationships is surely one of the most important things in our life.

These next 7 days are a perfect time to reflect on our relationships. To truly let go of the ones that are not serving us and to understand the agreements we are making that could be causing us to compromise our values.

Staying in relationships that are not reciprocated and draining is not healthy. We all have been in those and were left with a bitter taste in our mouth. Communicating our needs and not having those met simply means it is time to leave and let go. No hard feelings.

It can be very difficult for those with Gate 40 defined to let go of the obligations in relationships as they are natural caregivers and breadwinners. They will give people more than one chance and often end up being frustrated and disappointed.

On the other hand, if our relationships are nourishing, emotionally supportive and caring - they can be our best source of recuperation, renewal and pleasure. This also means that our community and our partners understand the importance of spending time alone, hence this gate is called the Gate of Loneliness. Whether we have this gate in our graph defined or not, it is really important to set healthy boundaries in all of our relationships.

This phenomena of being alone and yet connected is best explained by one of my favourite poets of all time, Khalil Gibran who says, "Stand together yet not too near together for the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow. "

The Prophet is one of my favorite books and there is a part on Marriage that perfectly explains what a healthy, mature and unconditional love means. You can read the whole sonnet here.

To sum it up here, there are 3 key points in any healthy relationship mirrored in Gate 40 :

1. Setting healthy boundaries and having respect for each other’s space

2. Reciprocity - mutual love, care, emotional investment and support

3. Taking care of one’s well-being first ( filling up your own cup )

Questions for journalling and self-reflection:

• Am I giving my time, care, love, devotion and diligence to the right people and projects?

• Am I filling my own cup first ?

• Am I compromising my values in relationships ?

• Can I let go of people who no longer serve my greatest purpose ?

• How can I take better care of my body, soul and mind?

• Can I give my partner the space they need and not take it personally ?

• Can I ask for the same space and understanding ?

Suza Lelic Beatnik Story

Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous but let each one of your be alone.

Khalil Gibran